Sophie's Film Choice #2: ROCK OF AGES

Oh god... I've had Guns 'n' Roses songs stuck in my head, and the image of Tom Cruise's aging abdomen scarred on to my retinas for the past 16 hours. What happened last night?? Oh wait...

THIS HAPPENED! 

A case example of the gratuitous tongue exposure which overrides the film. *Sigh.*

The obvious and apparently most logical consequence of dad being out on Fathers Day, it was a female Hart family trip to see the ridiculously... ridiculous 'Rock of Ages' on the cards. 

Well, within the first two minutes of the spontaneous- sing- along- on- a- bus- where- everyone- knows- the- words, our suspicions were confirmed; this would be JOYOUS. And completely void of any real human emotion. (But JOYOUS, remember).

A film which I can best describe as 'Wayne's World' meets 'Glee' (a certain rendition of a certain 'Journey' song is certainly predictable), 'Rock of Ages' was undeniably entertaining, whilst being slightly confused as to its audience. With a soundtrack featuring songs from Bon Jovi, Guns 'n' Roses, Whitesnake, Extreme, and Boston, just to name a few, the film takes a celebratory yet tongue- in- cheek view at the glamour of 1980's power- rock culture; Tom Cruise's character, Stacee Jaxx, epitomizes this parodic trope, creating some genuinely funny moments as he writhes around the stage and generally repulses everyone with his inexplicably indecent effect on the on-screen female ensemble.

'I beat him to death with his own shoes...'

Performances from Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin are similarly hyperbolic and two- dimensional, with Brands (we hope on purpose) cockney/ brummy accent being reminiscent of Del Preston from 'Wayne's World 2'. 

However, the success this film might have had in the 'spoof-rock' genre is severely undermined through its insistence on the cheesy, Ben Elton- esque 'love' story which is supposed to hold the whole thing together. 

'OMG! I LOVE BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDINGS TOO!'

The premise of a 'small town girl' and a 'city boy' finding romance in the dream- filled world of LA already makes me want to vom. To find out that the lead female role is played by Julianne Hough, whom, after watching her performance in 'Footloose', I wanted to slap in the face and send to a nunnery, turned my feelings from nausea to fear of harming those around me. 

Thankfully, this panic soon subsided as we were presented with a diluted, unmemorable love story which is easy to ignore. Both Hough and Diego Boneta (formerly starring in 'Mean Girls 2'... enough said) were bland and unlikeable. I mean, who cares if he sells out to a boy band and she has to walk the streets and become a stripper? WE WANT A SONG. At times, I wanted to re- title the film 'Rock that lasts Ages'; long tings indeed. 

However, despite a predictable plot and some unnecessary leg- kicking from Catherine Zeta- Jones, it was an enjoyable experience, and did re- kindle my love for the old classics. Go and see if you love the cheese, stay away if you have an ounce of integrity/ fear indecent exposure. (Why the leather chaps, Tom, WHY?!)